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Sue Hubbert's Story Delbert and I were high school sweethearts. We got married as soon as we graduated. Delbert joined the military right away and left for his first tour at sea. One month later, just before my nineteenth birthday, I found out I was pregnant. Delbert was on duty when Brandon was born and held our baby for the first time when Brandon was six months old. It was rough being in the military, moving around so much, but we learned to rely on each other. When Brandon was ten, my husband stopped going to sea and was home a lot more. It was wonderful having him around, but it was also an adjustment for Brandon and me. Brandon and Delbert both loved the outdoors and went hunting and fishing and snowmobiling together. |  |
Our son was a very smart young man, so his dad and I demanded a lot of him. But I could always talk to Brandon, and he was an extremely loving child. He didn’t see race or understand hatred; he was everything his father and I raised him to be and more.
When Brandon was about fourteen years old, he started having a chip on his shoulder about moving and leaving his friends. He’d have outbursts, but I could always talk him through them. When he was nineteen, he joined the Coast Guard, but the officers said he had an anger management problem. When he was twenty, he got married. He and his wife were expecting a child, and Brandon took a civilian job along with his job in the Coast Guard to make more money, but in April, 2005 he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In June he called to make an appointment with a psychotherapist, but he was told there was no opening until October. That was two months too late for our son.
Brandon was under a lot of pressure; he’d lost his civilian job and had surgery on both knees. One night before he could get control of himself he hit his father. He felt so terrible realizing what he’d done. When Brandon heard his father say, “[h]e needs to go,” that pushed him over the edge, but Delbert only meant that Brandon needed to get his own place to live.
That night Brandon took his own life. Delbert and I thought we knew the warning signs to look for when someone is suicidal, but we hadn’t recognized any such signs in Brandon. For two weeks after Brandon died, I was in such a state of shock, and felt so helpless; I had no feeling in my hand.
Once the word was out that Brandon was dead, our families and our military family showed up at our house; nineteen and twenty year old kids on furlough came from everywhere to be with us, and their support meant so much to us.
Two days after Brandon died, his son Jaden James was born. We waited to have the funeral until Brandon’s wife got out of the hospital and could be there for it. Jaden’s the only grandson we’ll ever have, and we’re so grateful he looks like his daddy.
Delbert and I wouldn’t let each other out of sight for a year and a half after Brandon died; we needed each other’s strength. Together we’re an awesome team. All we ever had was the three of us to depend on, and this tragedy has brought my husband and me even closer.
It has been about two years since Brandon’s death. I am determined to make something positive out of our loss. I’m involved with a suicide prevention committee, and I just completed Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST), I’ve also gone back to school to study either social work, or counseling. I haven’t decided exactly which path to follow, but I want my education to help others like Brandon, or anyone who needs survivor support.
There’s such a taboo against talking about suicide or mental illness, particularly in a small town like ours. Support groups are so necessary. Survivors can understand someone else’s loss in a way that only someone who has been through such a tragedy can fully grasp. It is also important for ministers, priests, and rabbis to explain to their congregants that suicide is not a sin. Of course, we desperately need more mental health professionals. Maybe had my son not had that delay when he called for an appointment, he’d still be here. Insurance should cover mental health needs as they pay for physical needs.
There are things that everyone can do to help prevent suicide. We can contact our senators whenever legislation comes up concerning suicide prevention or mental health issues. By participating in SPAN USA, survivors can learn more about this and other ways to help. We can’t undo what has happened in our own lives, but we can reach out to help others in need.
Sue Hubbert as told to Julie Heifetz