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Todd's Story
Everyone has life defining moments. These experiences shape us and our outlook on life in many ways. Sometimes these moments are very positive, encouraging and bring about much joy and celebration. At the same time, there are moments that are utterly tragic, devastating to the core, raw and seemingly senseless. These latter moments may leave one initially, and for long periods of time, feeling denial, confusion, depression, anger, numbness and a feeling of isolation unlike anything else. But with the right support, dedication and energy, we can embrace our realities and learn more about life and ourselves in ways we never thought possible. It is from these moments that we grow strong; it is from these moments that we can develop strength and resolve like never before.
On Thursday, July 5, 2007, my kid brother Alex, age 31, died by suicide at my parents house in Cincinnati, Ohio. He was receiving top-notch treatment and care for major depression and bi-polar disorder. For 7 years prior, Alex lived in Honolulu, Hawai'i, where he graduated at the top of his class from the University of Hawai'i with an MBA and Masters in Life Science. Alex started a non-profit while in graduate school to assist and encourage underprivileged high school students to become interested in pursuing college degrees and careers in science. After school, he and I, along with our other brother, Eric, started a renewable energy investment fund to raise money for alternative energy projects on the islands of Hawai'i to address their unique energy problems. Alex was a master of recognizing needs and then doing whatever it took to bring attention to the issues.
Alex was an amazing son, brother, uncle, friend, scientist, entrepreneur, visionary, advocate, researcher, outdoorsman and world traveler. Quite simply, he was a rock star who lived more in his 31 years than most do in a lifetime. His zeal for life was contagious and unlike most. Alex had amazing gifts and talents, which brought many different kinds of people together to be a part of common causes much greater than ourselves. His passing not only devastated me and my family but our close-knit community in Ohio along with communities and people all over the world. Although he had so much to live for and had affected so many of us in the most positive of ways, his illness overshadowed his love for life and ultimately led to his death.
Working with the Board of Directors for AFSP's Northern California Chapter has allowed me to take this defining moment and learn more about life and myself in a very meaningful and powerful way. His death has allowed me to connect and grow with others as I share my perspective through this tragic loss. As Alex's case demonstrates, sometimes even the best treatments available at the time won't solve every situation. But my work with AFSP has instilled in me the determination to keep fighting for answers to enhance one's chances of dealing with mental health illnesses, which can often lead to suicide. These disorders are real, like any other illness that affects the body. It is our responsibility as a resourceful society to do all that we can to understand as much as we can about depression and mental illness, its causes and ways to prevent suicide in our communities. Although my volunteer work with AFSP allows me to raise awareness about the issues, it has been a pathway of healing and a way to keep my brother's memory alive while hopefully giving others the chance to live and thrive.
Alex, you are still my little brother, even if I can only have your spirit to take with me as I continue on life's journey. You are my guardian angel. We love you, A.