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Jessica's Story
“I remember the day so clearly,” 24-year-old San Diego resident Jessica van der Stad explains. “The phone rang and the second I heard those words – your dad died – my world forever changed.”
On August 4, 2008, Jessica’s father, Nick van der Stad, died by suicide. Jessica would later learn that her father had battled depression all of his life and had recently stopped taking medication due to a loss of medical benefits as a result of layoff.
“To me, he always seemed happy and on top of the world,” Jessica explains. “I knew he had recently lost his job, but he kept telling me he had new and bigger plans. There wasn't a day that I didn't think that he would always be there to protect me.” Research estimates that a person in the United States dies by suicide every 16 minutes. According to a report published by the San Diego County Medical Examiner's Office in Spring 2009, there were 354 confirmed suicides in San Diego County in 2008 alone.
“With my dad gone, I felt lost.” Jessica explains. “I was angry. I was angry with my dad because I felt like he gave up. I was angry with myself because I felt like I should have seen it coming. And I was angry with the entire world because I felt like no one understood what I was going though.”
As Jessica explains, it wasn’t until almost a year after her father’s death than she finally found “hope” again.
After seeing a community poster in a coffee shop not far from her home, Jessica became familiar with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP).
AFSP is the leading national not-for-profit organization dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, advocacy, and education. With more than 32,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP's mission has never been greater, nor their work more urgent.
“Suicide is too often a taboo subject,” Jessica says. “At first I was afraid to talk about it. I was afraid of what people would think of my dad and of me. AFSP gave me the support I needed to heal, the strength I needed to move forward, and the power to do something.”
Jessica is currently volunteering with AFSP to increase national awareness about depression and suicide, advocate for mental health issues, and support survivors of suicide loss.
“On the local level, we are working to develop programs to raise awareness in the community and support survivors of suicide,” Jessica says. “We are also working to make suicide prevention a national priority. In the end, it is about coming together to support one another, and ultimately, save lives.”
While Jessica can’t help but remember her father in a positive light, the emptiness of not having him around anymore still pulls at her heart.
Even through the struggles of being a single father all her life, Jessica said her dad never missed a weekend with his daughter. From building sandcastles at the beach, to trips to the aquarium, he supported her in everything she did.
“He had a key role in developing my love for the ocean,” Jessica laughs. “He taught me how to snorkel, bodyboard, and later, helped me get my scuba diving license. Sometimes I think he loved the ocean as much as he loved me.”
According to Jessica, the problem with suicide is that the it never leaves the one who is left behind, the survivor..
“It is hard to realize that when I do get married, he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle,” Jessica says. “My future children won’t have a grandfather. “
Despite the pain, Jessica is dedicated to bringing the issue of suicide into the national spotlight.
“The effects of suicide are ever-lasting,” Jessica says. “Strength though, comes in turning a bad situation into an opportunity to help others. If I can work to make suicide a national priority and possibly save a life, then I will know that my dad’s death was not in vain.”