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Elizabeth's Story
I had a brother, Gordon or “Don” as we called him. He was a very sensitive person with a huge heart. Don loved kids, animals and the outdoors. He was the care giver for our ailing mother and took extremely good care of her. Depression was overwhelmingly evident in Don’s life although he refused to admit that he was affected by it. After his death, we became aware that he had lymphoma. Don was quite knowledgeable about US health care and government policies and would often talk about how we needed health care reform. He was one of us that did not have health insurance. If he had known that he had lymphoma, this would be a reason for him taking his life rather than depleting economic resources from our family. Many times my sister and I tried to reach out to help get treatment for depression but he was not one to believe in taking medication. The stigma attached to discussion of depression, taking antidepressants and suicide made Don feel that he could not talk about his feelings. When our mother began to show severe signs of dementia and Don began to show signs of extreme exhaustion, my sister and I convinced our brother that it was time for our mother to go into a dementia care facility. This was extremely hard on Don as he lost control of helping our mom with daily living. Eventually he took his life, to end the pain that he was going through. In a note he explained how he had suffered from depression his entire life. Our mother died five weeks later.
I have a hard time describing the pain that a family feels when someone chooses to take their life. It must be similar to the pain that the suicide victim was experiencing. The guilt and “what ifs” are tremendous. There are always unanswered questions and it all seems so senseless. If there is anything that I would like to say to Don it is that I wish he had reached out. I wish that he could have felt some HOPE. That the person he was could become someone who wanted to live, someone who would look to the future with happiness and joy for what was to come.
Since I lost my brother I have felt a calling to reach out to people in similar situations. I believe that there is usually something good that comes out of loss. We learn something from it. My goal is to reach out to someone like my brother Don who gave so much and expected so little.
Mental health coverage is a vital part of health care and statistics show that suicide rates are escalating. Suicide is affecting people of all ages, even young children. As a nation it is our duty to reach out to people in need of care for depression and other illnesses that can cause a person to take their life. We need to let people know that it is alright to talk about their depression and reach out for help. The stigma attached to suicide prevention CAN be replaced with HOPE for people who need it if we as a nation grab hold of this stigma and turn it around to become a helping hand. Help and hope for the present and the future. Depression and other mental illnesses are treatable. There is an imminent need for more public education on this subject and availability of more resources for treatment. Together we can make change for the better. Let us become accountable for positive change in the delivery of health care in the United States. Together we can do it!